Confessions of a Queer
by riku92238
Summary: A boy writes a book about his "first love" and sends it to her after it's published
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The school bell rings. The rustle of students talking; the opening and closing of lockers.

I walk down the corridor trying to push my way through the crowd to get to locker 271; my own. Not seeing someone's foot out in the open; I trip. Paper flies, my books scatters and a loose leaf notebook falls open. I reach for it but a Nike shoe steps on it first. Then a hand picked it up.

"What's this, Scott, your new best seller; _Confessions of a Queer_?" He laughed; a long with everyone around him.

"Let go DeGraw…" Ethan DeGraw was King of Jackson High. He was captain of the football team, captain of the basketball team, he had a huge football scholarship to Yale, and he dated the most popular girl in school: Becky Johnson.

I wasn't jealous of DeGraw. Becky is, in my opinion, ugly, and I so do not want to go to Yale.

"Give it back to him!" I looked around to find… someone I didn't recognize. Not surprising, considering Jackson is a huge school, but I've seen at least everyone once. Even Ethan looked confused.

"And who are you?" he asked rudeness flowing through his voice. He seemed as if he was ready to hit her. No one stood up to Ethan DeGraw unless you wanted your ass kicked.

"My name is Jennifer Larson. Give him back his notebook." She told him as if she was giving him an order. Ethan looked her up, and so did I. she was kind of like… me. She had brown hair with streaks of red and amazing green eyes. She wore stripe checkered red pants with suspenders, a fish net shirt under a t-shirt with the British flag on it, and boots that looked a half size or so to big. She had a black and white scarf that hung behind her, two different arm bands, and… plugs; nice.

"Oh, heh, so you're sticking up for your own kind, eh? Well since you're new here I'll give you and sissy a warning." And with that, he left.

"Thanks… bastard…" she said the last word under her breath so only I could hear. "Here, let me help with that." I nodded. She picked up my notebook, pulled out a bandanna and wiped the mud off. "Do you mind?" she asked, indicating she wanted to look; I shook my head.

She flipped through the notebook, stopping every so often to gaze upon the page.

"You're an amazing writer" She said. She handed back the notebook.

"Thanks…" I said awkwardly. "I'm going to put my stuff away… you can come if you want."

"Thanks for the invite." She smiled. I walked over to my locker, opened it, and began to unload unnecessary things, replacing them with the necessary ones.

"Hey, you're my locker neighbor." She said and began to open locker 270.

"So what class do you have next?" I asked; hoping to let her skip off to it.

"You mean fifth period, after lunch?" I nodded. " Uh… fifth period… fifth period… oh, pre cal." _Great, me too…_ I thought.

"Cool, so do I." I replied trying to sound enthusiastic. "You're in for a hell of a time though." She looked a bit confused. "Ms. Smith is a completely oblivious. This is one of the only classes you can do nothing and pass. Some kids smoke in her class and she notices _nothing_."

"Wow… stupid much." She said. I nodded in reply. "So where do you normally eat?" _Is she going to fallow me around everywhere?_ I asked myself.

"Well…" I walked outside; Jennifer followed. "Over there," I pointed to a large set of cement stairs where Ethan and his friends were sitting. "Is where the "dumb asses" sit. Next to that by the big tree is where sophomores and juniors who don't really have a "classification" sit. In the corner over by the teachers lounge is the "crack head" area. Freshmen are separated by the friends they hang with. Finally, the "Emos and Punks" sit here." We arrived at a huge tree where I spent most of my school hours. The tree had branches everywhere; perfect for climbing.

"There's no one here…" Jennifer said, confused.

"Yeah there is; climb." So we climbed. Higher and higher and we began to see some people. "This is where we hang out. Even when we play hooky, we come here." All of a sudden, we heard blasting metal music. "Looks like Trevor brought his system today."

"Cool, Cannonball?"

"Sounds like it…"

That day had to be one of the best lunches I've had at the tree. Jennifer was so fun to hang out with, and it turned out that we didn't just have pre cal together. Four of our classes were the same, and the start of our relationship began.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

April came, and my birthday followed. The seven months that I had known Jennifer weren't extremely important to anyone (unless you count me) and for the sake of all readers who will be bored by it, I have decided to over lap.

My birthday party wasn't big; I wanted it to be just a couple of friends. My dad tried as hard as he could to be mostly sober, so it was pretty cool. Aaron, Trevor, Trevor's boyfriend, Jason, Jason's sister Chloe, and Jennifer all came to the apartment.

The party was when I realized I liked Jennifer. We played spin the bottle: make out version (Aaron's idea) a couple of times. I kissed Trevor, but he insisted that Jason join so he wouldn't feel guilty. I kissed Aaron and Jennifer twice. Damn she's a good kisser. Jennifer kissed Chloe and then Aaron once too. Jason kissed Aaron, and then Trevor too many times to count because he felt like it.

Dad brought out a couple of beers so that I could "have my first beer", and we all toasted to me coming of age.

. . . .

A little while later, Trevor, Jason, Chloe, and Aaron had already left. Jen and I stood on the balcony of the apartment, waiting for her aunt to pick her up.

"I had fun tonight." She said. I could tell she was trying to start a conversation.

"Yeah me too… You're a good kisser…" I said, more to myself than her.

"Um… Heh… Thanks?" she said awkwardly, I could tell she was blushing. "You're not so bad yourself." She replied.

And for a few moments it was quiet, quiet enough to hear the crickets and the sound of the Arizona coyotes howl to the thousands of stars we saw in the sky.

On sudden instinct, I lent over and gave Jennifer a quick kiss. She looked at me in a weird way.

"That's not how you do it…" and she leaned in. Our lips met and nothing could explain how I felt. I had never felt this with Aaron when we were together. My tongue began to explore the sides of her mouth as hers did mine. She began to oddly massage my tongue with hers and I felt a familiar sensation below. I put my hands at her waist and she wrapped her arms around my neck. I pulled her closer, and the kiss continued. I felt her chuckle and realized a moment later, why.

"Holy shit…" I said, breaking the kiss; backing up a bit

"About what?" She asked. "The kiss, or saying hi to little Nathan?"

"A bit of both…" I said nervously.

"Aww, you're blushing!" She said, looking at my cheeks.

"Shut up, so are you." I countered.

"Yeah, at least I admitted it." She said toying with her fingers.

"Screw you." I said. I was a little frustrated with myself.

"You know you want to." She teased, making a really hot innocent face and giggling.

"Ah-…" I didn't even bother to deny it. "So do you." I said, for loss of something better to say.

"Maybe…" Jenn smiled.

"Potatoes potatoes potatoes potatoes potatoes potatoes…" I said lightly, jumping up and down a little bit.

My dad came out to the patio, slightly drunk; looking groggy.

"Jenn… You are Aunt here…" he tried really hard to say the full sentence, but failed. Giving up, he walked back inside, passing out on the couch.

We both laughed.

"Ok… well I'll talk to you later then." She said turning back to me after watching my dad pass out. She kissed me quickly then walked to the door to leave.

I sat down on one of the chairs and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, taking in everything that had just happened.

_Things were going to be different at the tree…_ I thought.

. . . .

Nothing was really different at the tree. Except maybe for the fact that Jennifer kept kissing me mid sentence just for my reaction. After a while it took me five minutes to finish a full sentence to Aaron while he was trying to keep a strait face.

The bell rang for fifth period and I made my way down the tree. Jennifer followed me and we made our way to pre cal. We sat down in the back in our normal seats. I turned around to face her, she being behind me, holding the math home work.

"I was that bored last night after you left." I said, waving the curséd packet.

"Oh, wow, that's saying something." She smiled. I passed the homework to the front and took out a piece of paper. I began to write.

I know this sounds really corny, but it's not official until I ask  
Will you be my girlfriend?

Yes No

I folded the paper and passed it back. I waited in utter suspense for moments that seemed like a lifetime.

I heard her pen make big circle movements, crumbling, and she passed the note forward. I reopened it carefully.

Yes No

I just looked at it for a little and my heart nearly jumped out of my throat.

Or at least it felt like it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Finally class ended, and I didn't necessarily feel like going to my next class.

"Please tell me you want to ditch with me?" I asked, half expecting her to say no.

"Sure." She replied carelessly.

We made our way to our lockers, and dropped off our stuff. Her hand in mine, we walked off to the tree.

"Wow no one's here..." I said, a bit shocked, as I made my way up the tree. Normally at least Trevor and Jason would be up here...

"Yeah this is crazy. You picked a good day to ditch." She said, her eyes sparkling in the shiny specs of sun peeking through the leaves.

"Hey, out of all the time you've been here, have you ever been to the top?" I gestured up with my head.

"No, I never saw anyone go there so I didn't bother. Is it dangerous or something?" She asked curiously, looking up at the sky.

"A little bit," I replied. "Do you want to go?" I asked.

"Sure...?" I gestured for her to follow as I quickly went up the tree. "Jesus, you're a fast climber!" We reached the top and the reward was perfect.

"I used to come up here all the time to think or enjoy the view."

"What do you mean used to? Why don't you go up anymore?"

"I'm to busy hanging out with this beautiful girl that I know." I smiled. I put my hand on her cheek while she looked at the view. I pulled her face closer and our lips met again. It was almost like the first kiss, but more rough, more aggressive. She pushed me back against a branch and she was in control. I played with her hair as she ruffled mine.

Then she broke the kiss.

"What's wrong?" I asked trying to catch my breath a bit, I was awe struck. She leaned her head against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just got a really hot mental picture in my head, and I had to take a little break."

"Ok," I smiled. "Just try not to get them too often; you're a damn good kisser."

"So I've heard." She smiled.

. . . .

At the end of the day, I went home. When I got home, my dad was…

"Sober…?" I asked. He chuckled.

"I didn't give you your birthday gift yet…" He said. He reminded me of how he used to be before mom died in the crash. He was so happy before that.

I looked at him, the man I used to look up to, in front of me again.

"Here…" he said handing me a thick envelope. "I've been saving up. In the state I'm in, if I were you, I'd want to move out."

I opened the envelope revealing a thick wad of cash.

"There's got to be…-"

"Thirty thousand in there. That's good for a decent car and a few months of apartment rental if you're smart about it." I just looked at him.

"What are you going to do? I mean, this has got to be all the money you have. Can I ask how you plan to live?"

"I've lived like this for a long time; you moving out won't make any difference if you think about it." I have thought about it. I would always think that it would be so cool to be on my own. Not to have anyone tell me what to do, though my dad never really did that anyway…

"Look, this time tomorrow I'll be as drunk as I've ever been. Take the damn money, go car hunting, go apartment hunting, and get your ass out of here." For a moment my alcoholic dad had a good head on his shoulders. The only reason he started drinking a lot was to overcome the pain he put on himself; blaming himself for killing his wife; my mom, in the car accident. My wrist, where I had burned a cross into my skin after that happened, itched.

I didn't say anything. I walked up to my dad and hugged him, I just hugged him. I think he was a bit shocked because he just stood there for a few moments with his arms at his sides, eyes wide open. I turned around and walked to my room. I sat at my desk and turned my computer on. I waited for it to load and I took the envelope out of my pocket, put it on the table, and dropped my bag on the floor. I signed into my user and opened the internet. I Googled car sites and housing sites. I decided to go to a dealership tomorrow and go look at a decently priced apartment complex that was really close to Jen's Aunt's house.

After about fifteen minutes of searching, I turned the radio on and went to bed. I was out before I hit the pillow.

. . . .

I bought a car. It was a real nice Chevy Malibu 07-08… something like that. I had called Jennifer to see if she wanted to come with me to look at apartments.

"Yeah sure, where do you want to meet?"

"I'll pick you up."

"You got a cari/?!"

"Hell yes."

"Kickin."

"Yeah, so I'll pick you up in like 5 minutes; I'm really close to your aunt's."

"Ok, see you in a bit." Click. I drove over to Mrs. Larson's house; Jennifer lived there because her parents couldn't support her. Jennifer was waiting outside and smiled when I drove up.

"Wow, this is so cool!" She said, as she got in the car. "So tell me, how'd you get the money to get a car, and rent an apartment?" She asked, as I drove off towards the complex.

"My dad. Apparently he's been saving for me to move out because he knew living with him was a pain in the ass." I said. I pulled into the apartment building and told the guard I was a potential buyer; he let me in.

The lady showing the apartment was really funny.

"So you buying home?" the lady was Chinese.

"Yeah…" I smiled.

"You his girlfriend?" very Chinese.

"Uhm yeah…" Jenn answered. She smiled at me. I smiled back.

"You support her?" I am telling you, she was Chinese…

"Well, she's not living with me; she was just coming to keep me company." I smiled. The lady smiled back, revealing an almost toothless mouth.

We walked around the complex until I found a nice apartment. It was a one room, one bathroom, one really small kitchen, a little living room, a loft, _and_ a balcony. I told the guy at the front desk after choosing that I'd be moving in, in the next couple hours or so and that I could give him the rent for two months.

I deposited the rest of my money in a newly made bank account. Then, after dropping Jen off, I went back to my dad's house to pack.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

As soon as I was about to leave my dad's house, I took out a piece of paper and wrote a little message

It is not your fault. . .  
I forgive you

I wasn't sure if I really meant it, or when I would even mean it, but some how it seemed like the right thing to write.

I folded the paper and put it under my unconscious dad's hand.

I called Aaron to borrow his dad's truck so we could load bigger things, such as my bed, desk, book case, and dresser.

Aaron came and he and I together hauled my bed frame, be mattress, bookcase, dresser, and desk, into the truck. It took a long time because we had to go downstairs and upstairs over and over again with everything. Three hours later Aaron was following me in the truck to the apartment. We went through the whole process again and three hours later (_again_) saying that we would get the rest of the boxes in the morning. I passed out on the couch that Aaron's dad had given me and Aaron passed out on the mattress on the floor.

The next morning Aaron helped me unload the boxes and unpack, putting pretty much everything away. I called Jennifer to ask if she wanted to come over because Aaron and I were done unpacking.

. . . .

"Do you guys wanna watch _Back to the Future_?" Jennifer asked.

"That's like the biggest geek movie EVER…" Aaron whined, looking at me as if to say "help me!" and then looking at Jennifer like she was crazy to even believe that he would ever watch that movie.

"Yeah, but it's _aaaawesome_!" Jennifer argued.

"I don't mind." I called from the mini kitchen, making popcorn for whatever movie we were going to watch.

"Thank you." She said briskly. She walked over and hugged my from behind, kissing my neck.

"Ugh…. I need to get a girlfriend or boyfriend… that way I'd have someone on _my_ side to help me get you guys out of your freak geek stage of _Back to the Future_…"

We ended up watching _Sean of the Dead_… can't really say much to that. Jen and I were curled up, while Aaron got comfortable on the floor against the couch.

The perfect Saturday…


End file.
